Middle-aged and crazy

I will write blog posts on rolling motivation.com anymore because it’s something that I haven’t been passionate about for a long time. That’s not a bad thing, the passion I had before was a false sense of who I was, who I was hoping to be, and how I wanted to show up in the world.
I’m not saying by any means that I was being fake, or trying to mislead I can guarantee I had nothing but genuine intentions when I started this blog and every time, I write an article.
I always reflect on past events around my birthday which is in June, also in September (which I think has a lot to do with growing up in school and starting the new year in September), and of course in December around year-end.
It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning, I would say I don’t know who I am I would in fact say I know more about myself now than I ever have and what comes with that is a deep and shocking realization that totals have ever really liked myself. Now that’s a bit shocking to hear, right? Or think about how shocking it is to say and to realize.
Now I can say I like myself more than I ever have in recent months. That’s due to a few things:

  1. Daily meditation (10 minutes or more every day)
  2. understanding that I’m not an entrepreneur and that the best place for me is a job that accentuates my skill set.
  3. Getting said job, which allows me to thrive through good customer service and making connections with people. I love to chat and I’m in a position that allows me to do just that.
  4. I stopped offering unsolicited advice. (I understand the slight irony based on this blog and my YouTube channel etc. Haha)
  5. Surrounding myself with people who not only love and respect me unconditionally but also encourage me to be more of my true self.

I think society has had it wrong for a lot of years.

You always hear things like “no one’s ever going to love you if you don’t love yourself first”
That’s a pretty bold statement and it puts a lot of pressure on people to just figure out how to like themselves especially when most situations, people, and circumstances that you interact with in your life are going to make you question who you are.
The fact of the matter is there have been times in my life when I needed somebody else to love me because I could love myself and that was the only way I started to see value in who I was and start the process of loving myself. You see. I’ve spent so many years trying to fix all the things that people told me are weird or unattractive, or simply will hurt my chances of closing a sale or getting a job.
That’s why I leaned so hard toward self-help I was trying to “fix” all the things that all these people told me were wrong with me. And it has only been recently that I’ve been able to understand that there is a toxic side to self-help and positivity.
Now please listen to me when I say this, I think there are a lot of positives to self-help seminars and personal growth in books and videos. We have access to so much information that anything we want to learn or do to grow is at our fingertips.
On the flip side were inundated with so much information that it can become just as addicting as anything else. I know firsthand that if you keep looking for things that are wrong with you. You’re always going to find something wrong with you. You can always prove your theory there is always going to be a friend, a family member, a coworker, or some person you are trying to date that’s going to point out things you need to work on. However, if you’re not careful you will end up spending all your time “trying to fix yourself” and no time actually discovering who your genuine authentic self is.
I didn’t realize how much I avoided this for so many years. Now that I have had a glimpse of who I genuinely am. I have many wonderful traits and many flaws; the next step is the hardest part of my journey.

Your next question probably is “how do you fully accept yourself?”
My answer: I have no idea but am working on finding out.

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