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Category: Mindset

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Are you in control?

Over the past few months I have been battling the idea of “control” in my life. Think about this concept for a minute. I control what I eat, what I spend my money on where I go on vacation, books I read and people I spend time with; Is that where stops? Dr Wayne Dyer in his book “Wishes Fulfilled” believes that we don’t actually even control our thoughts, if we did, we could merely stop thinking; which is impossible! I observe thoughts and then can choose to and act on them or change them, but I can’t stop them!
So now I have accepted the fact I am more of an observer then a controller, I discovered something in myself. I want control, because I feel has though I can limit my pain and increase my pleasure in any given situation.
I have given a name to the random unproductive thoughts in my head “the chattering monkey” (it is not my term, I don’t remember where I heard it, but I love it!). Those thoughts that tell me “you can’t do that, you are too fat’, you will never find true love you are too intense and on top of that you are in a wheelchair; who in their right mind would deal with that on a long-term basis” etc. 
What the “chattering monkey” doesn’t like is when I take away his power. How do I do this?
1) Recognize that they are only thoughts they are not reality, YET!
2) As soon as I recognize the negative thought, I say NO and redirect my focus on the present moment.
3) Finally once I feel present, I implement good thoughts in place of the bad ones.
Stay focused on what you want in life, don’t let anyone take your dreams and simply love!
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Do you compare others?

OK I have to clear the air right off the bat….Sometimes I’m an idiot! There I said it…but why you ask? Last night I made the mistake of comparing someone I care about to someone else. You might be asking, so what? Well the thing is I compared my friend to someone I don’t have the greatest opinion of. This caused an argument and undue stress for both of us.  I tend to think out loud and as a result I can get myself in some pretty sticky situations.
What did I learn from this?
1) When you compare people it is generally going to be perceived as a negative.
2) When you compare you fail to recognize and validate a person’s individualism
3) Comparison is judgment plain and simple and if you are judging others you open yourself up to judgment.
You can make the argument that we all have traits that make us like EVERYONE ELSE. I am lucky my friend doesn’t hold a grudge and nothing more will be mentioned of it. Not everyone is so chill. You could end up with a fight on your hands or even worse, lose the companionship of someone you care for.
If you do end up making a mistake and offending someone, OWN IT! Admit you were wrong and apologize and most importantly make absolutely sure the person knows all the good they bring into your life.
Our relationships shape you and break. Make sure you do all you can to nurture the good ones 😉

Thanks for reading 
Steve